A simplification of the political theatrics between our beloved Obama and the boisterous Vladamir. In today’s episode, they play a round of ‘diplomat poker.’

The boys are sitting across from each other, engaged in a serious conversation.

[Obama] Hey, if you make Crimea part of Russia, we’re going to start sanctioning…uh…*coughs and looks around* stuff.
[Putin] *looks Obama in the eye defiantly and reaches across the table and puts Crimea in his pocket* Ok.
[Obama] *sigh* Fine. I’m banning some people from my country. *hands him a list*
[Putin] Haha. You are prankster. *looks at the list* OK… I see your ban of the head of Russian Duma and raise you one Senate Majority Whip.
[Obama] Well then I’ll raise you the Deputy Prime Minister!
[Putin] *wiggles his fingers* Oooh.
[Obama] *getting agitated* Well, then you can’t be part of the cool World Trade Organization anymore!
[Merkel] Has anyone seen my keys? I was going to lock him out of the World Bank but I can’t find my damn…*pats pockets*

[Canada] HEY! You crazy kids, who wants free healthcare, eh?

[Putin] *puts his headphones on and starts bobbing his head* Anyone else like Coolio? *Whistles Gangsters Paradise*

[Obama] Michelle! I need a fuckin’ cigarette.